Today I'm going to talk about mama guilt - but not the kind you'd expect. Not the guilt you feel when you leave your baby with a sitter for the first time, or accidentally scratch your newborn with your wedding ring (how many mamas have done that?!)
This is the kind of guilt you feel (or are made to feel) when your child succeeds, does well or meets milestones earlier than expected.
No matter who you are, where you live or who your best friends are, we have all experienced this at some stage. You know the little niggly comments, sometimes meant with good intentions or as a joke, that just pinch a little bit when they are said.
Us mamas are proud of our babies (and so we should be) and when these comments are made, it can make us feel guilty for being proud of our baby succeeding and wanting to celebrate when they hit milestones.
I can remember when Parker first got teeth and I received a few comments of 'oh thats a bit early isn't it' - an offhand comment and to be fair nothing too major, I kind of brushed it off and rolled with it. He got them around 4 months so definitely within your typical age range. Sometimes I think that people need to remember; that a range starts from one number and moves up....anything within that range is considered 'normal' there always needs to be someone at the top and at the bottom to make this range possible. This is especially true when looking at weight and height charts
As he grew more and more teeth (he has 8 now at 9months old), the comments grew and the undertone of judgement grew too! 'Oh another one' 'wow, does he even have any more teeth to get?' 'hasn't he got them all yet, he started so early'
Writing this down and reading it out loud is laughable now but at the time it hurts just a little. You start to feel guilty for being proud of your baby for nailing teething. How silly is that? We should celebrate these milestones!
Its important to note that other mamas may not be doing this intentionally. Sometimes they may not be thinking clearly, may be slightly jealous or feeling guilty themselves that their child is not meeting these milestones at the same time as your babe.
It's not an excuse but if you are on the receiving end of these types of comments be sympathetic to the giver...you never know whats going on. Mama guilt is definitely a real thing, its the little pings of guilt inside you that you feel for being proud of your babe when others around you may not be as supportive as you'd like and you know what...it's shit!
Mama's be proud of your babes when they reach milestones, be excited when they seem to be tracking ahead with their development, heck if your kid knows their abcs, 123s and can spell their name by the time they are two - thats cool, celebrate it.
What if your child isn't meeting those milestones at the same time? Be proud of your baby too! Be proud when your baby is kind, resilient, and caring towards others. Be proud when your baby learns anything new - drinking from a sippy cup - cool! Is gentle around animals- awesome! Happily goes to others and is friendly - Awesome....celebrate it!!!
Remember to be kind when you speak to other mamas about their babies - it's not always about meeting milestones, especially those of a physical nature. Every mama is proud of their baby, there is definitely no need for comparison, judgement or jealously. Choose your words carefully, whether they are online or face to face. Be kind to one another, celebrate in others successes.
Be proud of your baby. Be proud of yourself, you're doing a great job mama.