Who am I? Well we made it through the fourth trimester and here we are on the other side, in the light at the end of the tunnel. We did it. The ‘hard’ part is over. My baby boy is no longer a scrunched up ball if newborn goodness. He is a real baby now. Developing his own personality and starting to show some independence. Independence. My baby no longer needs me 24/7. He is happy to play on his mat on his own for short periods of time. He will happily hang with his dad for hours on end-with out me......gulp. This leaves me with a little bit of ‘free time’* *mum code for time to do housework! During this ‘free time’ lately I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am (vacuum in hand). I mean I know I am Caitlyn but previously to having a baby I was Caitlyn the wife, teacher, friend. Someone who had lots of free time to spend hours perusing the shops in the mall. Someone who at the drop of the hat would get ready and get in the car for a sporadic beach escape without a second thought. Someone who would pride their self on having a tidy home, straightened hair and a face of makeup each day. Someone who would never dream of spending the day in their pjs sitting at home. I was always on the go. Ready to do something or go somewhere. I guess those of you on the outside would just add ‘Mother’ to that title. Caitlyn the wife, teacher, friend and mother. I find myself thinking it’s not really as simple as this. I am still Caitlyn and I’m still Doms wife, but since having a baby I’ve slacked a lot on my ‘wifely duties’. We haven’t had a date night since before he was born or even spent a lot of time alone together as Parker is often with us in the lounge in the evenings. As we have adopted a style of attachment parenting Parker always comes first. So although I am still his wife and I love my husband dearly I find that it is not a defining aspect of my being at this current stage. It is more like we are partners in crime. Partners in this parenting gig. When you have a baby you fall in love with your husband all over again but for different reasons. The nurturing, the kindness. It’s a new kind of love and respect. The spark is still there and I am still proud as punch to be his wife but unfortunately it seems to come second to my most important roll of motherhood. As I am no longer working my ‘real’ job on maternity leave I am also no longer ‘teacher Caitlyn’ I no longer drive for half an hour a day on my own to get to and from work. 30minutes a day of uninterrupted thinking time. I no longer spend my day as part of a team, engaging in eight hours of grown up human contact. ‘Friend Caitlyn’ is still there however catch ups are different. No longer are there carefree coffee and shopping dates, boozy nights out or boozy nights in. Friend Caitlyn will still go out for coffee dates but it’s now timed around sleeps and feeds and often involves rocking and entertaining the baby. Friend Caitlyn is also likely to come over for a games night and fall asleep on your couch before the first round of cards is over. My world has changed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not complaining. I love my new role as a mama but I am also struggling with finding out who I am. I’m still trying to fit all of the pieces of the puzzle together. To establish my new normal. A new me. This blog has been a good creative outlet for me. I have enjoyed sharing my experiences in an open and honest way, hoping that in some way it may help someone else. I have enjoyed joining a mums group and meeting new mama friends. I am looking forward to going back to work in the new year, getting to be teacher Caitlyn for a small portion of the day. I still haven’t figured out exactly who I am yet so I guess I’ll keep you updated on that but for now I am enjoying this new journey. The journey of mama hood, of expressive creativity through blogging, being a wife and learning new things about my husband, building new friendships and retaining old ones and the journey of finding out a lot about myself. So I guess I’m still Caitlyn, wife, friend, and mama but there’s a lot more to be discovered!