It’s a crappy rainy day here and I have so many other posts to write but I wanted to get this down while it is still fresh in my mind.
I want this blog to be an honest reflection of my journey through motherhood so that includes the good, the bad and the ugly.
Parker is asleep in his bassinet… a rare occurrence for this time of day. He loves to sleep on us and as much as I do love it and try to soak in those special moments knowing they wont last forever it is taxing on my mind and body.
Recently we have started to get into a routine. Up until now everything has been on demand (and it still is), and this routine has been a natural progression of Parkers. He is drinking more and sleeping longer during the day.
This is great however I am finding that he needs to be home in his bed (or on me) during these sleeps. He is not as transportable as he used to be.
Before Parker was born both Dom and I agreed that the baby would fit into our lives and we wouldn’t stop doing the things we love. To some extent we have managed that. We have continued to go out, have taken him to birthday parties, house warming, weekends away at the beach and out and about during the day.
Now that he needs to be home more, I am struggling.
As a newborn we could up and go anywhere, he was so transportable (and the capsule was a lot lighter to carry!!). We could move him from car seat to pram and just about anywhere without him waking up. I was in a bubble of newborn love.
I was very fortunate that after the birth I felt fine. My body recovered well, emotionally I was very stable, and I was running on little sleep but the excitement of a newborn kept me going. Eight weeks in and I am running on empty.
It’s hard.
I knew that the first three months would be tough- some even described them as horrible but I didn’t really believe it, I was in my happy newborn bubble.
That bubble has now burst!
Don’t get me wrong, I do still love it and wouldn’t change him for the world but I am struggling.
I am struggling that my body is still not 100% back to where it was before I got pregnant and I still have another whole month until I can go for a run (something I am dying to do).
I am struggling with my emotions. Being stuck at home in the middle of a bathroom renovation has taken a toll. My house is a construction zone with tools and gear everywhere and I am not coping with the mess! I miss my clean house. I miss my husband who is at work all day and renovating all night (super husband/dad). A messy house leaves me with a messy mind.
I am struggling with feeding. My milk supply is dwindling probably due to stress but I am working on getting that back up.
I am struggling with little sleep. I was stubborn at the start and possibly had a bit of FOMO, I wouldn’t sleep during the day. Eight weeks on, I feel like I could sleep all day and all night for a week! Parkers last feed tends to be around 10:30-11pm and I find myself staying up for this so that I have less broken sleep. Add in the late nights, the 2-3am feed and a 5am feed and there are not many sleeping hours in-between! It is getting though.
I’m struggling with the lack of independence. Being able to go to the shops, race around, shower (without keeping an ear out for a cry) and all of the things I used to do before having a baby without a second thought now requires planning. Planning around feeds and sleeps and even with all of the planning in the world it sometimes doesn’t work out and you end up walking through the mall, panicked with a screaming baby in the pram.
I am so fortunate that during this rough time I have had the most amazing support from friends and family. Phone calls, texts, invites for coffee, visits and just general kind words has made it easier.
I know that this won’t last forever. I know that my baby needs me now more than ever and that it soon will pass and I will miss it.
Being a mum is not easy but it is 100% worth it when I look into Parkers beautiful blue eyes…even if I’m catching a handful of vomit at the same time!!
Thank you to those who have given support during these first eight weeks of Parkers life. Every single little message helps and keeps me going on this crazy journey of mamahood.
Photo credit to Black Robin Photography